I know we’ve never met, but i’m sure if we did things in life would be a lot different right now. For years now i’ve wanted to say so much to you. Growing up i would sit and pray that i would wake up and have a father. That you would suddenly walk through the door in your ripped denim after working away for a long time.
I would sometimes think i would see you and have to double take, it wasn’t you. Every time i heard a motorbike, i couldn’t help but feel like it could be you. I always thought the family were hiding something from me, that you had actually walked out on us or were in trouble and had to leave. Everyone was always so quiet whenever i mentioned your name. But I’ve realised looking back that it wasn’t because you had walked out, its because you were so loved and missed. All i wanted was a father. The man that everyone spoke about to me, this friendly hells angel geordie tattooed giant!
Life sometimes does the most horrible things to people, and taking away loved ones is one of them. Im 23 now, and still i cant help but wonder who you are, what you were really like. Behind all the horror stories, i also hear about the most wonderful, caring and friendly guy who was infatuated with my mam. It breaks my heart. Mam found some of your old ‘doodles’ and passed them onto me. I would of loved to sit and watch you draw. I would love to see you with your grandchildren too, Milan adores mam and i know she would have adored you.
You got on your motorbike that very last evening to surprise your wife and kids who were 400 miles away. After not even a mile, you were taken away. Just like that. I still to this day don’t understand why, how, who. That day my mam lost a husband and best friend, nana lost a son and we all lost a father.
I just want you to know, that after many years of feeling like i don’t have a dad like everyone else. I do really, maybe not in person. But in spirit, i know you’ll look after us and guide us. I’ll always stand by you. Please look over and protect mam and Milan. Id do anything to have met you like everyone else got to. Is it possible to love a person you’ve never met? 100%. Ill always make sure Milan knows who you are and remind her that she is the granddaughter of the brightest star in the sky.
All my love always,
P.s- thank you for saving my life, i know it was you.