I think this post with relate a lot of mothers out there. They may not say it out loud but they’ll say in the back of their minds ‘Yup!’
If you’re up for reading a slightly uncensored version of reality then feel free to carry on, if not then, sorry but i’m not sorry.
Right, so its only recently occurred to me that actually mums don’t like to be honest. Lets be real here, no mum likes to admit there child has been the biggest most soul destroying brat of the year. They just brush it under the carpet and speak like their life is Instagram perfect. Baby groups are the worst for this, you walk away feeling like your child hates you and you’re failing as a parent. Well let me tell you all, YOU’RE NOT. Kids can be tossers at times. They do something they know they shouldn’t do, you tell them off gently, they cry, you try and cuddle them and explain why its wrong in a calm voice, and what do you get? A massive high five in the face, literally. I didn’t really picture my life changing much when i used to think of the fairytale of having children. Just a lot less Jagerbombs, a few nappies here and there and maybe an extra human in my bed. Well, how naive was i. So its safe to say that in November 2014 when those hurricane two lines appeared, i was not prepared.
People that don’t have children, seem to think everyone with children live the life of luxury. You see a mum has posted a photo on Instagram of a lovely cup of tea and a great big slice of chocolate cake and they’ve checked in at the local patisserie, nope. What they are really doing is probably ordering a slice of cake in the hope that they may actually get to eat the tiniest bit before there child sticks their face in it. Or lets be honest it could be bribery food. (We’ve all done it!). Yes you can order a cup of tea, but by no means will you get to drink it. I see it all the time “I so wish i got a few months off work”. What you don’t realise honey, is that sometimes us mums sit and think “I so wish i was working today!” Why because it beats dealing with the public tantrums, or observing inhumane nappies all day. What people don’t realise is that most of the time, you’re actually drinking coffee that tastes like warm puddle water at the local soft play. As you’re about to take a sip of your anything that has caffeine in it drink, you then have to chase your child before they throw themselves head first down a slide or choke on a toy that they shoved in their mouth.
You so badly need to get out of the house or maybe you’re running late, everything is packed and you are all ready to leave when bang, your child decides to shit. Right lets lug you back up the stairs and get you changed. By this point you’re more than late and losing the will to live.
No one can ever prepare you for the roller-coaster that is about to happen the minute you see those two lines pop up on that pregnancy test. I remember thinking “shit! shit! shit! shit!” and not even knowing how to feel about the fact that i was growing a little human in my tummy. Everything was going through my mind, was i ready to grow up and stop partying? Will i lose all of my friends? Are we even financially stable? Is my relationship stable enough?
I wont lie in saying there’s probably been times where i’ve written a paragraph into Netmums asking how i get my old life back, or how to flatten my stomach, or even am i a good mother. But after immediately deleting the post i realised that, no i don’t want my old life back. There’s probably been times where Barney’s hated me after he’s walked in from work and the first thing i have said to him is “I cant do this life!” whilst running upstairs with a bottle of wine (joking of course). Falling pregnant scared me so much, because i was young and knew i would lose a lot. But my god i have gained the best little human in the world. The bestest friend anyone could have given me.
Being a parent is sometimes so bloody tough, but it is a gift. A gift that you wouldn’t change for the world. Through all the crying tantrums and lack of sleep. All these layers of selfishness that you may not of realised you even had just slowly disappear. A roller-coaster of so many different emotions that will make you into the person you are today. You will never experience a love like it. So, if you’re having a really shitty time as a parent and feel really fu**ing lonely. Just remember you are not alone.
P.s- this photo of Mila was taken at a moment when Mila didnt want to get dry but instead run around naked and head herself in the head with her hair brush and i wouldnt let her…